I don't know that it's a good thing when life reminds me of Douglas Adams. His worldview tends a bit toward the cynical. Unfortunately, he also seems to have been disturbingly prescient.
In this case, I was struck this morning by how bewildering I find so-called beauty products. I just don't really get it. Maybe it's a girl thing, but I just find the endless masses of bottles and tubes and tubs a bit on the far side of ridiculous. There's a strange fascination with foodstuffs as well. Everything is honey-oat this and cucumber-that. What about the combination of rose petals and yogurt says 'yes, I want to wash myself in that'? I can't imagine that those buying such flavored body wash would actually consider soaping themselves in foodstuffs as a way to get clean. Very odd.
Meanwhile, it is becoming really quite difficult to find just plain products without extra gratuitous extra stuff added. Try finding a hair conditioner that isn't heavily perfumed in the sea of fruit flavors. Or consider the reasoning behind vitamin fortified Coke. All of this, it seems to me, speaks of overactive product tinkering and marketing strategy, which has divorced the product makers from the needs of the product user. It smells of marketing for marketing sake. It seems to me that we have a lot more to buy, but a lot less that is useful. We seem to be heading toward a situation where we will only be able to buy what market analysis says will sell, but it will come in dozens of meaningless varieties.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Still Point
It's been a bit of a hectic day. Laz woke up at 5 AM this morning. His teeth had been hurting him during the night. So we got up for about 3 hours in the early morning until he could get back to sleep. Even then he was pretty fragile for much of the rest of the day as well. Easily distressed and just generally having a rough time of it. Sigh.
It's very quiet now. Everyone has gone to sleep and I'm just sitting on the bed in relative silence. It's good to find a still point. My attempt to meditate today was aborted pretty quickly. I was just too tired, so instead of drifting in and out of sleep on my cushion, I just crawled into bed and napped with Laz. In this case it was probably more productive.
It's a bit weird here surrounded by 'inlaws', those people who are family and yet I don't really know them all that well. I know them a bit, but not that much. Slowly I get integrated, but the process is certainly not fast. It's not helped by the fact that for many years I've had job commitments which have kept me from visiting when Sunshine did. Now, with Laz, it's a bit harder. Often I need to support Laz so Sunshine can get things done here. (Particularly this time with all this wedding stuff going on as well!). Ah well, patience. Meanwhile, I can continue being the polite alien.
The moon is pretty out the window.
Laz is stirring.
I should sleep.
It's very quiet now. Everyone has gone to sleep and I'm just sitting on the bed in relative silence. It's good to find a still point. My attempt to meditate today was aborted pretty quickly. I was just too tired, so instead of drifting in and out of sleep on my cushion, I just crawled into bed and napped with Laz. In this case it was probably more productive.
It's a bit weird here surrounded by 'inlaws', those people who are family and yet I don't really know them all that well. I know them a bit, but not that much. Slowly I get integrated, but the process is certainly not fast. It's not helped by the fact that for many years I've had job commitments which have kept me from visiting when Sunshine did. Now, with Laz, it's a bit harder. Often I need to support Laz so Sunshine can get things done here. (Particularly this time with all this wedding stuff going on as well!). Ah well, patience. Meanwhile, I can continue being the polite alien.
The moon is pretty out the window.
Laz is stirring.
I should sleep.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Life as a Spore
Well here we are truly inside the nutshell now. No keys, no job, no home, no car. Living out of various suitcases in various locations as we make our way slowly to Tallahassee. We spent a bit over a week with my parents in Louisville, now we're in Casper with Sunshine's mom for Emily's wedding.
Lazarus loved my parents house, and particularly the outside. He spend many happy hours exploring the neighborhood and discovering all sorts of exciting things. He's particularly fascinated by mailboxes right now. We didn't really have mailboxes in London, usually just a slot in the door. But here in the US mailboxes are the norm. Plus they have numbers on them. Very, very exciting. When he woke up in the morning he'd go to the window and sing out the window to the parents mailbox. Up here in Casper he's done less exploring of the mailboxes, but he's made a game out of picking strawberries out of Grandma's garden. (At first real ones, and then quickly thereafter plastic ones, as they're considerably less messy!)
It's been very hot though, high 90's and 100's and we're all melting. At least up here in Casper there's some air conditioning, though even that hasn't been able to keep up with the triple digit temperatures. Ah well, just a part of the road to Tallahassee I suppose. Hopefully the gulf heat won't do us in.
My concentration's gone to hell in the past month or two though. It's difficult to maintain any sort of routine while traveling, particularly when we're staying with others and moving about quite a bit. So my sitting and my writing practices have been pretty neglected. Indeed, it's been just about all we can do to keep caught up on Doctor Who, the one weekly routine we seem to have managed to keep fairly regular. In any case, I've been missing these routines, so I think I'm going to try and make a bit more of an effort to keep at them. My contemplative brain has been a bit foggy of late, and I need to clear it out again. Time to try and be a bit more thoughtful.
It's interesting how easy it is to live without thinking. It's shockingly easy to just muddle along in a fog and not really notice life. I've been asleep, and it's very different to realize you're asleep. The sleep metaphor is a decent one too. Becoming aware really does feel rather like waking up. So I feel a bit groggy like waking up after snoozing in bed all morning.
Time to be aware.
Laz is awake.
Time to be a daddy. An awake daddy.
Lazarus loved my parents house, and particularly the outside. He spend many happy hours exploring the neighborhood and discovering all sorts of exciting things. He's particularly fascinated by mailboxes right now. We didn't really have mailboxes in London, usually just a slot in the door. But here in the US mailboxes are the norm. Plus they have numbers on them. Very, very exciting. When he woke up in the morning he'd go to the window and sing out the window to the parents mailbox. Up here in Casper he's done less exploring of the mailboxes, but he's made a game out of picking strawberries out of Grandma's garden. (At first real ones, and then quickly thereafter plastic ones, as they're considerably less messy!)
It's been very hot though, high 90's and 100's and we're all melting. At least up here in Casper there's some air conditioning, though even that hasn't been able to keep up with the triple digit temperatures. Ah well, just a part of the road to Tallahassee I suppose. Hopefully the gulf heat won't do us in.
My concentration's gone to hell in the past month or two though. It's difficult to maintain any sort of routine while traveling, particularly when we're staying with others and moving about quite a bit. So my sitting and my writing practices have been pretty neglected. Indeed, it's been just about all we can do to keep caught up on Doctor Who, the one weekly routine we seem to have managed to keep fairly regular. In any case, I've been missing these routines, so I think I'm going to try and make a bit more of an effort to keep at them. My contemplative brain has been a bit foggy of late, and I need to clear it out again. Time to try and be a bit more thoughtful.
It's interesting how easy it is to live without thinking. It's shockingly easy to just muddle along in a fog and not really notice life. I've been asleep, and it's very different to realize you're asleep. The sleep metaphor is a decent one too. Becoming aware really does feel rather like waking up. So I feel a bit groggy like waking up after snoozing in bed all morning.
Time to be aware.
Laz is awake.
Time to be a daddy. An awake daddy.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
The sticky-wet wrenching end of the world.
The end of the world looks just like any other day. Today is a lovely day. The sun is out, the sky is blue, the clouds are white. And yet, in a way, I'm situated in the midst of an apocalypse of sorts. My life here in London is ending. This world's days are numbered. To be sure the city itself will still go on. Indeed it will hardly notice I've left. But the construction in which I live my daily existence is ever so surely coming apart at the seams. Every day I am confronted by unexpected last times and irrevokable changes.
Still the world looks the same as it ever does. And indeed what else could I expect? As Buddha noticed all those years ago, impermanence is the nature of everything. Still, it's a strange thing that the Mahayana tradition points this out, shows you the way out of that suffering, and then entices you to step back into the fire. Here's the exit door, but gee, isn't that burning room lovely? Boddhisattvas chose to stay because they love the world. That choice causes suffering, but isn't that always the cost of love?
So yes, the world continues to drop away. Our world here in London is closing down, collapsing into smaller and smaller pieces. It's like a tree growing in reverse, reverting back to a seed to await a rebirth in new soil. A month ago, our cats suddenly left us to fly across the ocean and sit out the upheaval from the relative safety of my parents' house. This was the event that seems to have truly shifted our perspective to the move. Before that it was abstract. Now it's here.
Last week I attended my last Thursday night zazen sitting with Manu & Sarita. They are in Vancouver for 2 weeks, so last week was the last session I would attend. Actually I was having a pretty miserable day anyway and I probably wouldn't have gone, but I'd feel bad just leaving without saying a proper farewell. I don't really do goodbyes very well. It's awkward and messy and uncomfortable. Still, I've been trying to be more accepting of the sticky bits of life, and it would be callous and selfish just to disappear.
It's funny, I don't really know them all that well, but they provided me with an important refuge at an important time. Inevitably my path is going to be a lot different that theirs, but I picked up a subtle and important experience there somewhere. Something about being able to drop definitions and expectations and simply enjoy breathing in the presence of others. I don't necessarily know where this path is going, but there is something important there and I'm grateful to them for giving me the opportunity to discover it. Hopefully, this new creature that was born in that world will survive the transition.
That's where the fear comes in. As with any fear of death, the end of this world brings forth the fear for the continuation of the self. The self that lives in this world is facing that death right now. Will the core survive, and if so, what is preserved and what is lost? This is the existential dilemma of the condemned. Indeed, its only the illusion of longevity which allows us to forget this question in our daily lives. Still, what can we do with it when the fear does arrive? I'm sure there are lots of answers. At the moment, I alternate between ignorance and melancholy. Ignorance for pragmatism, and melancholy when there is nothing to be done. Still, it's not a desperate kind of melancholy, more just a rainy afternoon. I've become more accepting of discomfort. One more observation from a new perspective.
This is a bit of a weird perspective I've been trying to adopt here. Trying to be both a scientist and a mystic is not a well-trodden path. At one level I can see a very clear synergy between the practice of science and the practice of zen. However, while the metaphor is apt and powerful, it is also incomplete. These ideas do not sit comfortably together. Like nearly matched overlays they can create a chaos of Moire-pattern turbulence, for these practices bring with them a host of competing and contradictory perspectives, dogmas, and ideals. One side's truth is the other's delusion. It's a tribute to plastic thinking that one can hold these contradictory views, but it always leaves one sitting in doubt. And perhaps that's a good thing. Doubt, after all, is the boogie man that keeps me probing. Not as comfortable as blind faith I suspect though.
Still, I've found that this path leaves me a bit uncomfortable in all camps. Chatting with more mainstream folks in both camps I've found that trying to forge this middle way is not terribly appreciated. Perhaps I'll expand on this topic more later, but I've found that both sides tend to have an overly reductionist view of the other. Both sides are quite attached to the literalist notions of fact, and truth. I've become aware that there is a pretty severe gap between the way science is taught and distributed to the masses and the way it is actually practiced. All of this is bubbling away while the world ends, but I don't think the subject is quite ripe yet. For the moment, suffice it to say that this path I'm on does look like it may be a bit lonely and rocky.
Still, it may be a path where I can do something important. Perhaps this discomfort is not for nothing. I was touched by a comment Manu made last Thursday in the discussion after the sitting. The subject of science had come up, and Manu said that he didn't understand what it was and used to dismiss it. But that through me, he had glimpsed that there is a sense of mystery to it. And perhaps that is the personal legacy I will leave behind here in London: to have given one fellow human being a glimpse that a scientific perspective is not necessarily a soulless one. A small victory I know, but it was well timed and provides some solace here at the end of things. Not meaning so much, for I think I'm tipping quite strongly toward nihilism these days. I'm not big on purpose or meaning, but this human connection does provide a comfort, and that too has value.
Still the world looks the same as it ever does. And indeed what else could I expect? As Buddha noticed all those years ago, impermanence is the nature of everything. Still, it's a strange thing that the Mahayana tradition points this out, shows you the way out of that suffering, and then entices you to step back into the fire. Here's the exit door, but gee, isn't that burning room lovely? Boddhisattvas chose to stay because they love the world. That choice causes suffering, but isn't that always the cost of love?
So yes, the world continues to drop away. Our world here in London is closing down, collapsing into smaller and smaller pieces. It's like a tree growing in reverse, reverting back to a seed to await a rebirth in new soil. A month ago, our cats suddenly left us to fly across the ocean and sit out the upheaval from the relative safety of my parents' house. This was the event that seems to have truly shifted our perspective to the move. Before that it was abstract. Now it's here.
Last week I attended my last Thursday night zazen sitting with Manu & Sarita. They are in Vancouver for 2 weeks, so last week was the last session I would attend. Actually I was having a pretty miserable day anyway and I probably wouldn't have gone, but I'd feel bad just leaving without saying a proper farewell. I don't really do goodbyes very well. It's awkward and messy and uncomfortable. Still, I've been trying to be more accepting of the sticky bits of life, and it would be callous and selfish just to disappear.
It's funny, I don't really know them all that well, but they provided me with an important refuge at an important time. Inevitably my path is going to be a lot different that theirs, but I picked up a subtle and important experience there somewhere. Something about being able to drop definitions and expectations and simply enjoy breathing in the presence of others. I don't necessarily know where this path is going, but there is something important there and I'm grateful to them for giving me the opportunity to discover it. Hopefully, this new creature that was born in that world will survive the transition.
That's where the fear comes in. As with any fear of death, the end of this world brings forth the fear for the continuation of the self. The self that lives in this world is facing that death right now. Will the core survive, and if so, what is preserved and what is lost? This is the existential dilemma of the condemned. Indeed, its only the illusion of longevity which allows us to forget this question in our daily lives. Still, what can we do with it when the fear does arrive? I'm sure there are lots of answers. At the moment, I alternate between ignorance and melancholy. Ignorance for pragmatism, and melancholy when there is nothing to be done. Still, it's not a desperate kind of melancholy, more just a rainy afternoon. I've become more accepting of discomfort. One more observation from a new perspective.
This is a bit of a weird perspective I've been trying to adopt here. Trying to be both a scientist and a mystic is not a well-trodden path. At one level I can see a very clear synergy between the practice of science and the practice of zen. However, while the metaphor is apt and powerful, it is also incomplete. These ideas do not sit comfortably together. Like nearly matched overlays they can create a chaos of Moire-pattern turbulence, for these practices bring with them a host of competing and contradictory perspectives, dogmas, and ideals. One side's truth is the other's delusion. It's a tribute to plastic thinking that one can hold these contradictory views, but it always leaves one sitting in doubt. And perhaps that's a good thing. Doubt, after all, is the boogie man that keeps me probing. Not as comfortable as blind faith I suspect though.
Still, I've found that this path leaves me a bit uncomfortable in all camps. Chatting with more mainstream folks in both camps I've found that trying to forge this middle way is not terribly appreciated. Perhaps I'll expand on this topic more later, but I've found that both sides tend to have an overly reductionist view of the other. Both sides are quite attached to the literalist notions of fact, and truth. I've become aware that there is a pretty severe gap between the way science is taught and distributed to the masses and the way it is actually practiced. All of this is bubbling away while the world ends, but I don't think the subject is quite ripe yet. For the moment, suffice it to say that this path I'm on does look like it may be a bit lonely and rocky.
Still, it may be a path where I can do something important. Perhaps this discomfort is not for nothing. I was touched by a comment Manu made last Thursday in the discussion after the sitting. The subject of science had come up, and Manu said that he didn't understand what it was and used to dismiss it. But that through me, he had glimpsed that there is a sense of mystery to it. And perhaps that is the personal legacy I will leave behind here in London: to have given one fellow human being a glimpse that a scientific perspective is not necessarily a soulless one. A small victory I know, but it was well timed and provides some solace here at the end of things. Not meaning so much, for I think I'm tipping quite strongly toward nihilism these days. I'm not big on purpose or meaning, but this human connection does provide a comfort, and that too has value.
Monday, April 30, 2007
On Not Being a Dalek
It is a mistake to think that you can control people. Realize this, and you will have seen the fallacy underlying neo-conservative politics and countless unwise parenting and relationship choices.
It's not just a matter of having insufficient force, though that is the idea that baits the Dalek trap. The problem is that people are chaotic systems. They react non-linearly to stimulus. A small nudge here might produce a gigantic reaction there while a massive clampdown might produce a stubborn lack of any reaction at all. This is easiest to see in children but is true, I think, for all. It's just that as adults we grow used to the patterns of our embedded culture and we stop noticing because we too are reacting in similar strange patterns. Embed yourself in someone else's culture, however, and the chaos will become more obvious.
Still even chaotic systems can contain patterns. The best that we can hope for as parents or lovers or artists or diplomats is to act as a sort of attractor, providing little nudges toward the desired still point and applying tremendous patience. The art of parenting and the art of politics is the art of the soft touch. It is the art of nodding subtly to the door and waiting for the other to take a step in that direction.
It is usually impatience that drives us to control others directly. Efficiency and the dangerous idea that sufficient force (and/or the power of our obviously 'right' view) can eradicate free will leads us to try and cut corners, to enact a hard limit when a soft one would be wiser. The problem with taking the hard line and backing someone into a corner is that they may chose to hurt themselves just to spite you. In toddlers we call this a tantrum. In Iraq we call it an "insurgency". In Israel we call it a suicide bomb. The effect is the same. Give someone no options but to obey you and they may decide just to lash out insensibly instead. When we feel we have no choice, we get desperate, and desperate people are angry and have nothing to lose. Faith in this philosophy leads inevitably to frustration, violence, paranoia, and ultimately, if not checked, to the xenophobic need to exterminate all that is other.
While it may seem wasteful, patience and generosity generally seem to be more efficient in the long-term than direct blunt action, no matter how well intentioned. "Softly, softly" should be out motto. Borrowing from the Hippocratic Oath we should remember to "first do no harm" for that is the danger of rash action. This is the lesson I've been struggling to learn for the last year and I still don't always get it, but at least I can now articulate it.
It's not just a matter of having insufficient force, though that is the idea that baits the Dalek trap. The problem is that people are chaotic systems. They react non-linearly to stimulus. A small nudge here might produce a gigantic reaction there while a massive clampdown might produce a stubborn lack of any reaction at all. This is easiest to see in children but is true, I think, for all. It's just that as adults we grow used to the patterns of our embedded culture and we stop noticing because we too are reacting in similar strange patterns. Embed yourself in someone else's culture, however, and the chaos will become more obvious.
Still even chaotic systems can contain patterns. The best that we can hope for as parents or lovers or artists or diplomats is to act as a sort of attractor, providing little nudges toward the desired still point and applying tremendous patience. The art of parenting and the art of politics is the art of the soft touch. It is the art of nodding subtly to the door and waiting for the other to take a step in that direction.
It is usually impatience that drives us to control others directly. Efficiency and the dangerous idea that sufficient force (and/or the power of our obviously 'right' view) can eradicate free will leads us to try and cut corners, to enact a hard limit when a soft one would be wiser. The problem with taking the hard line and backing someone into a corner is that they may chose to hurt themselves just to spite you. In toddlers we call this a tantrum. In Iraq we call it an "insurgency". In Israel we call it a suicide bomb. The effect is the same. Give someone no options but to obey you and they may decide just to lash out insensibly instead. When we feel we have no choice, we get desperate, and desperate people are angry and have nothing to lose. Faith in this philosophy leads inevitably to frustration, violence, paranoia, and ultimately, if not checked, to the xenophobic need to exterminate all that is other.
While it may seem wasteful, patience and generosity generally seem to be more efficient in the long-term than direct blunt action, no matter how well intentioned. "Softly, softly" should be out motto. Borrowing from the Hippocratic Oath we should remember to "first do no harm" for that is the danger of rash action. This is the lesson I've been struggling to learn for the last year and I still don't always get it, but at least I can now articulate it.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Life as a Top
There is a zen metaphor that says that the mind is like a spinning top. When it is perfectly vertical there is no movement and all is still, but the slightest tilt and everything begins to wobble and wander. The thing is that the vertical position of a spinning top is an unstable equilibrium. It is only able to hold that position if it's perfectly aligned. Just the slightest misalignment and the whole thing starts to fall apart. If you want to keep that top spinning vertically, you have to continually adjust it and push it back to that still point. Sooner or later you spin out and have to start again.
I think the zen guys knew that.
Now not all tops are made equal. Some have quite a large area near the still point which will hold a nearly stable spin, and some are quite tricky to keep going. Some are more susceptible to passing air currents or ground vibrations.
Sometimes I think I'm a bit of a wobbly top and I just keep spinning out. Not so much in my sitting, but in my life in general distraction has been an issue for quite a while. Really probably most of my life, though it didn't start to really become an issue until I went to college. Before that I could get away with being a bit of a dilettante because school was pretty easy. Now though it can be a bit of a struggle to stay afloat.
Still as in zazen, so in life... I guess I just need to keep making adjustments and patiently set my self upright again. The past is insubstantial. Momentum is just the memory of action. It is action NOW! in the present that is the agent of creation. Drop it all and assume correct form.
...and again.
I think the zen guys knew that.
Now not all tops are made equal. Some have quite a large area near the still point which will hold a nearly stable spin, and some are quite tricky to keep going. Some are more susceptible to passing air currents or ground vibrations.
Sometimes I think I'm a bit of a wobbly top and I just keep spinning out. Not so much in my sitting, but in my life in general distraction has been an issue for quite a while. Really probably most of my life, though it didn't start to really become an issue until I went to college. Before that I could get away with being a bit of a dilettante because school was pretty easy. Now though it can be a bit of a struggle to stay afloat.
Still as in zazen, so in life... I guess I just need to keep making adjustments and patiently set my self upright again. The past is insubstantial. Momentum is just the memory of action. It is action NOW! in the present that is the agent of creation. Drop it all and assume correct form.
...and again.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Eyes Peeled for Weather Balloons
Well, it's official now. I've signed my acceptance letter at FSU and I've resigned my post here at Imperial College. No lightening flashes or goovy 60's music involved, but I did have to walk down a long dark corridor to the HR department. True to form there is a bunch of paperwork to sign. Ahh, you have to just smile at the Brittish infatuation with bureaucracy. Somewhere, I'm sure, my picture will be covered with a bunch of X's and dropped in someone's filing cabinet.
Meanwhile things are certainly 'hotting up' as they say here. Sunshine is making preparations to ship our cats back to Colorado. Sunshine's brothers will be here in a bit under 3 weeks and in a bit less than a month we will probably be leaving this jolly little island nation and returning to the states.
On the home front, it's a bit more like Logopolis than The Prisoner. Entropy is certainly having its way with us and there is a palatable sense of just trying to muddle through the great change which will (hopefully) be "prepared for". Certainly things are resting on critical electronic transmissions to keep our finances from collapsing. Heck, we're even about to acquire 3 new companions, though hopefully they will be a bit more useful than Adric, Tegan and Nyssa.
Speaking of entropy, our iPods have both suffered fatal disk crashes. I suppose a 3 year lifetime isn't unheard of for a laptop-style disk drive, particularly one that gets a fair bit of abuse. Still, always a bummer when a well-used tool dies. RIP Eardrum and Q.... Oh and welcome to Laz's toybox (and his mouth).
In other utterly random news, I managed to sleep through my tube stop for the first time in nearly 3 years today. Sigh, I really should make sleep I higher priority I suppose. I can't blame last night on Laz's schedule though. He went to bed on time, but I got distracted by the internet. Specifically, reading webpages supposedly from 15 years in the future. A so-called 'Alternate Reality Game'... Interesting, if disturbing stuff. Check it out if you're interested. (http://iamtryingtobelieve.com/, http://anotherversionofthetruth.com/ or http://www.ninwiki.com if you want to try and understand what's going on.)
Meanwhile things are certainly 'hotting up' as they say here. Sunshine is making preparations to ship our cats back to Colorado. Sunshine's brothers will be here in a bit under 3 weeks and in a bit less than a month we will probably be leaving this jolly little island nation and returning to the states.
On the home front, it's a bit more like Logopolis than The Prisoner. Entropy is certainly having its way with us and there is a palatable sense of just trying to muddle through the great change which will (hopefully) be "prepared for". Certainly things are resting on critical electronic transmissions to keep our finances from collapsing. Heck, we're even about to acquire 3 new companions, though hopefully they will be a bit more useful than Adric, Tegan and Nyssa.
Speaking of entropy, our iPods have both suffered fatal disk crashes. I suppose a 3 year lifetime isn't unheard of for a laptop-style disk drive, particularly one that gets a fair bit of abuse. Still, always a bummer when a well-used tool dies. RIP Eardrum and Q.... Oh and welcome to Laz's toybox (and his mouth).
In other utterly random news, I managed to sleep through my tube stop for the first time in nearly 3 years today. Sigh, I really should make sleep I higher priority I suppose. I can't blame last night on Laz's schedule though. He went to bed on time, but I got distracted by the internet. Specifically, reading webpages supposedly from 15 years in the future. A so-called 'Alternate Reality Game'... Interesting, if disturbing stuff. Check it out if you're interested. (http://iamtryingtobelieve.com/, http://anotherversionofthetruth.com/ or http://www.ninwiki.com if you want to try and understand what's going on.)
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