The bridges that can't be burned

It seems a somewhat forgotten thing in our society that there are some connections which cannot be severed; some relationships which cannot be ended; some lines of communion which cannot be eclipsed. Certainly we can throw up walls and create obstructions, but these do not cut the cord. We can shut people out and cut them off, but we can’t undo the connection.

We tend to look down on codependency as if it is somehow a poor lifestyle choice; as if it were possible to isolate oneself from the other. But here’s the thing: crazy can’t be isolated. It isn’t localized to one person, any more than any other aspect of personality. We do not end sharply at the surface of our skin. Selves are non Newtonian particles. We do not exist in isolation. We are inherently shaped by our environments: physical, biological, social. Like quantum reality we are the single selves that are not single, the localities that are not local. And we are not immune to phase mixing. Our chocolate mixes with our peanut butter and we cannot save our selves or others from ourselves or others.

We pretend that this is not true. We pretend that we can somehow walk away but the severed limb still aches, and entropy still wins in the end. The bridge cannot be burned because it is our self, and we burn our self in trying.

“Hand of kindness, come gather me in like a rainstorm” – Tift Merritt